Monsieur Célibataire
Today, I was playing with my vibrator. I was getting close when all of a sudden it short-circuited and made a sound like a laughing clown, scaring me half to death. FML
Today, I took my daughter to the zoo, because she loves tigers. Correction: she used to love tigers, until one sprayed urine on her from a distance of four meters. FML
Today, I discovered my dog humping my sister's five month old baby while babysitting. FML
Today, my ex-boyfriend announced he was engaged. We broke up last night. FML
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