Today, I had to explain to my sobbing teenage daughter why you can't get pregnant from masturbating. FML
Today, I asked my kids if I looked good before going to work. Smiling, they told me I looked wonderful. It wasn't until I got to work and looked into the mirror until I noticed my left eyebrow was gone. FML
Today, I got suspended for bringing a "hazardous weapon" to school. They were earrings. FML
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