greenlilly140

When dinner is late

FEED ME NOW!

This guy how asks the wrong questions...

I shouldn't have said that...

"Do you play any instrument?"

Watch me!

Rudolph is late!

Is it a bird? Is it a plane? Is it a reindeer? Wait... What?

"Who wants a dessert?"

I made a huge mistake...

Trick Or Treat Struggles

That little tiger has some serious attitude. Relatable.

Taking Turns

Siblings know the struggle.

Take Your Vitamins

The struggle is real.

Today, my son was finally born. He was the perfect weight, as healthy as can be, and has his father’s dark, chocolate complexion. At least I’m guessing so, since both my wife and I are white. FML

Burnout Fail!

It's hard to go back once you've taken matters too far... What was your worst slip?

Subway Surfer on a Mission

You know he's got something important going on...

Cheerleader vs Cameraman

Cheerleading? No... This is Sparta!

How to deal with annoying neighbors...

A fun solution from your friends at FML!

Conflict Resolution

This is basically me during every conflict I've ever witnessed.

Pug gets taste of his own medicine!

The little guy kinda had it coming.

Group Project Struggles

Not helping never looked so cute!

No Time for Haters

Duck, dodge, dive, and weave!

Domestic Dispute on the Road

Hang in there, buddy!

Happy Birthday to the Ground

So many FMLs happen on birthdays. They should probably be avoided altogether.

Shouldn't have said that!

Requesting nudes is always a delicate operation...

Book club gone wild!

Today, during a family gathering, my mom, grandmother, and aunts started talking about an erotic novel they're all reading on Amazon. My cousin asked for the writer's name and I heard my pseudonym in response. My entire family is reading my horribly-written porn. FML

Happy International Friendship Day!

Are your friends as great as these? In honor of this special day, maybe DON'T make up an excuse not to hang out with your friends. They're not soooo bad...

Doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo-doo

Today, I found out that my favorite song is about blow jobs and crystal meth. FML

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend who is a VERY loud moaner. He kept saying my name over and over again then all of a sudden his mom comes in and says "yes hun...oh God sorry"...that's how I found out I have the same name as my boyfriend's mom. FML

Doggy dog world

Today, my wife and I had to rush our dog to the vet for a $700 emergency surgery. The x-ray showed that he had eaten a vibrating cock ring. I've never bought or owned one, so now I've got to deal with the vet bill and lawyer's fees for my soon-to-be ex-wife. FML

Clerks 3

Today, a customer passed out in the bathroom, so we didn't realize he was there until after closing. I don't know what he'd shot up, but whatever it was told him he should run around naked. It's been two hours and the cops still haven't shown up. I can't leave until he does. FML

Today, I went to a restaurant with my boyfriend. After dessert, he went to the bathroom so I quickly called the waiter over and paid the bill, thinking it was a nice gesture. When he returned, he broke up with me for "emasculating" him. FML

Today, I was mugged at gunpoint by a senior citizen. She now has a lousy $20, and I probably have PTSD. FML