EmikoShiriyuki

When you have to wear this hideous gift...

Thank you Granma...

How's the project going?

Fine... I guess?

Me at lunchtime

Why have I to be polite?

Sleeping In

I'll never leave this bed!

Oops...

Now that's a rough day!

Social Life

Nononononono...

Cat Fail

He disappeared like this weekend!

Wasted Robots

Embarrassingly accurate. Cheers!

No Shame

At least he's honest!

Dog Fail

Living that clumsy life!

Opportunities

...and just like that, the weekend was over.

Today, I gave a speech at a charity fundraiser. I didn't realize how close I was standing to the fan, which automatically went on. As soon as I said, "this is why you should pledge," my dress flew up. I then learned how quickly phones can take pictures and emails of my underwear can be sent. FML

Fashion Struggles

Beauty is pain!

Oktoberfest Fail

...and the crowd goes wild!!!

Take Your Vitamins

The struggle is real.

Horse Riding Fail

I don't do surprises.

So Many Feelings

This is the real me, Mom!

Scammed

Today, I finally got a product I ordered two weeks ago as a free trial-only pay shipping deal. Also today, the same company took an extra $130 out of my account without authorisation. Best part: when I called to sort things out, they told me they had no record of my order details. FML

Today, I finally got my hands on a Nintendo Switch. While unboxing it, I left the room to get a pair of scissors. When I came back, most of the box contents were missing and my little brother was standing there. It has been about 5 hours and I still haven't been able to find anything. FML

They're perfect for each other!

Today, I took my brother to the ER. His bimbo girlfriend told him he has "ironing board abs" so they had the bright idea of ironing her clothes on his stomach. When the Dr. asked him why he didn't stop if it burned, he said he didn't want to look "like a pussy". He'd have likely drowned if she'd gotten it right and said "washboard abs". FML

Art installation

Today, my theatre studies professor played a soundscape, then had us write what we thought the meaning was. I thought it was a simulation of what schizophrenia was like. Turns out the teacher bet her friend she could convince us that a bunch of people speaking gibberish meant something. FML

Free Playboy for the guy that can't even use it. Oh, cruel fate.

Today, I received a Playboy magazine that I never ordered, and now my husband won't stop laughing at me or calling me a closet heterosexual. FML

Special Snowflake Kitty

Today, I found out why I couldn't properly breathe nor sleep for the past 2 days. I'm allergic to the new kitty litter. This is the special litter I had to buy because my snowflake cat is allergic to all the other brands. FML

Thanks for nothing

Today, I got break-up text. She called me a poor, broke, little dick, sorry excuse for a man and said that my mom should have swallowed me "as an egg". She also said that no one could ever want me. Thing is, I haven't had a girlfriend in 2 years. FML

Today, after much dieting and exercise, I can proudly say that my love handles are now bigger than my ass. FML

Help!

Today, at the Japanese restaurant I work for, we have 95 reservations and three servers. FML

Today, I found out that unlike in movies, you really don't know you're shot until you see the gunshot wound. Then, once the adrenaline wears off, it's complete agony. FML

Today, I ordered a plain cheeseburger. The cashier was confused, so I explained, "Just meat and cheese." When I got my food, my burger didn't have a bun. FML

Worth a shot

Today, I was working at the pharmacy and had a older man come in. He was buying Viagra and, by law, we are required to ask if the patient had any questions. His lovely response was, "When you coming over so I can test this stuff out?" His wife and daughter thought it was hilarious. I could've died. FML

Today, my car was rear-ended and totaled. Last year, during the same month, my previous car was rear-ended and totaled. I should just stop driving during the month of February. FML