coolios89

Today, my long-distance boyfriend came to visit. We went to a cafe where I managed to lock myself in the toilet, breaking the key. I then had to wait for them to break down the door. I came out to applause from everyone, who had been laughing at me for 25 minutes. FML

Today, I realized that I can tell how long it has been since I have been with a guy, by the length of my leg hair. FML

Today, my 18 year old son asked me to check if there were any monsters under his bed. FML

Today, I bumped into my parents at the mall. They didn't tell me they were around. I live 5,000 miles away, in a different country from them. FML