Madame Lyon, France 25 ans Célibataire
Today, I discovered that my ex-girlfriend writes erotic fiction describing all of my moves in intimate detail. The whole internet gets to critique my entire sexual repertoire. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex, and he asked me to tell him what I wanted him to do. I said I wanted him to make me scream and cum. To which he replied, "Okay, be realistic now". FML
Today, my brother said he was cleaning his room. When I walked in, he was giving my cousin a blowjob. FML
Today, I walked into my room and watched as my fanatically religious mother sniffed the used tissues in my trash bin to make sure I wasn't masturbating. FML
Today, I was the first guy ever to give my girlfriend an orgasm. I was also the first guy to make her poop at the same time. FML
Today, I finally felt ready to lose my virginity with my boyfriend. Unfortunately he was too embarrassed to go and buy some condoms, and suggested in all seriousness that we use a sandwich bag instead. FML
Today, I realized that the "toothpaste" that I'm always cleaning out with my hands from the sink drain is actually my little brother's semen. FML
Today, I got a call from my dad asking if I was a porno actress. I am. FML
Today, I found out that I'm going to be a father. Too bad I can't tell my wife. FML
Today, my husband took a pill to make him last longer in bed. He did last longer. He went from 5 minutes to 7. FML
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