Caleb Hill

Today, I noticed that my acne has gotten so bad, I can see it out of my peripheral vision. FML

Tasty

Today, I was in the cinema making out with my girlfriend. I asked her if she could stop trying to pass me her gum because it was kinda gross. She replied, "It's not gum, I just have bronchitis." FML

Today, I was told that since I've had only three or four periods since 2013, there's 60 periods worth of blood clotted in my uterus. They gave me medicine to make it all come out in one week. FML

Today, a week after dropping my car off for the third time in a month at the dealership because of an unresolved issue, the dealership mistakenly reported the rental vehicle I'm using in the meantime as stolen. The police surrounded my work as I was meeting with a potential client. FML

Today, I woke up to see my neighbor's 5-year-old daughter next to me. She said good morning and handed me a note from her dad saying that I owe him and he's cashing in. So, I'm babysitting as her parents escape to the Bahamas for two weeks. My annual two week vacation starts today too. FML

Lumpy

Today, while blowing my nose after being bunged up for days, it finally unblocked. A solid slimy multicoloured booger roughly the size of a grape shot out, blew right through the tissue and landed on my manager's shoe. Hell hath no fury like a lady sneezed upon. FML

Parents Sue 30 Year Old Son For Not Moving Out Of Their House

What level of FML hell is it when your own parents decide to sue you?

Today, I accidentally let out a silent but obscenely deadly fart in the doctor's waiting room. It was so foul that a woman got insanely pissed at her kid because she thought he'd shat his pants again. FML

HELP!

Today, during an emergency bathroom visit, I finally broke the toilet seat my fiance had nagged me for months to replace. The broken seat sent me sprawling to the floor. I was still shitting. FML

Today, after my shift at the police station, I went on a date with a girl I recently met. We had a great date, that is until I opened the car door for her, and out of habit, pushed down on her head as she got in. FML

Today, I found out I'm going to be a grandfather. I'm 29, my son is 13 and the girl in question is 16. FML

Today, I took my girlfriend out for dinner to a fancy Italian restaurant for our one year anniversary. After giving her some roses, freshly baked cookies, and a thoughtful poem I wrote for her, she started laughing and asked for her real gift. FML

13 Dumb Dogs Doing Dumb Dog Things That Will Make your Day

Man's best friend, sure, but also probably man's biggest headache and FML inducer.

This Aquarium Picks The 'Naughtiest Penguin Of The Month' And Displays Their Crimes For All To See

Look out for Mo, the very bad FML-inducing little penguin that has made the list multiple times.

Potholer

Today, my husband's dick went in the wrong hole. And by the wrong hole, I mean another man’s anus. FML

Here Are The 19 Funniest Tweets From This Week!

It's tweet time! Let's be honest, now that it's officially Summer, you definitely want to be inside reading other people's tweets, right? We know you so well! Enjoy!

Once You Read These Client From Hell Stories You'll Be Really Thankful For Your Job

Dealing with these requests is one hell of an FML.

18 Times People's Stupidity Got The Best Of Them

Like FMLs, but illustrated.

Grifter

Today, my phone went missing. My 8-year-old son took it to school and sold it for $10. FML

This Husband Actually Manages To Convince His Wife That She Is Dead With An Extremely Elaborate Polaroid Prank

For this woman, it was a terrifying FML-filled 10 minutes of truly wondering whether or not you actually exist.

Remember this?

Today, I have to spend over an hour at a Gamestop so my boyfriend can get his 'Final Fantasy' game at midnight. I'm tired, I don't want to stand around any more, and all the people around around me are debating superheroes. I'm living in an episode of 'The Big Bang Theory.' FML

Today, while taking my toddler for a walk with the dog, he threw a tantrum and rammed one well-aimed finger directly up the poor dog's pooper. FML

Today, my boyfriend who has been overseas the last four months broke up with me. I sent him a care package two days ago. He'll get homemade cookies (his mom's recipe), naughty videos of me and a letter telling him how much I love him in about a week. FML

Today, my brother babysat for me. He invited his girlfriend around without me knowing, and they were all playing hide and seek together. While he and his girl were hiding, they decided to have a quickie. My three year old found them and saw everything. She won't stop copying their sex noises. FML

Today, I was laying on a couch with my dog watching TV when I heard my dog fart. I looked at her, she looked at me and started waving her tail, blowing it into my direction. FML

Today, without telling me, my mom dropped me off at my grandmother's house, and drove off. Now I'm supposed to spend the next month with her. Guess she forgot my grandma died six weeks ago. FML

People Are Cutting Up Their Poops And The Rest of Us Are Horrified

Have you ever laid a turd so large and firm that you had to cut it before flushing? If you have, rest assured you are in good company. For everyone else, you can thank this reddit thread for exposing the shockingly common occurrence of the “poop knife.”

This Contractor Learns Just How Much Money Can Buy After His Site Turns Into A Crime Scene

When some teenagers break into their house while they were on vacation, these vacationing property owners pay off their contractor to take care of the problem for them. While that means big bucks for this contractor, the amount of damage control he’s now in charge of is a huge FML for him. To think, all he wanted was to lay some floor boards in peace. Smh.

Today, my girlfriend, who I've been dating for over a year, was going to Florida for a short trip with a few friends without me since I couldn't get work off. She asked me to put her iPod in her bag for her as she was almost ready to walk out the door. That's when I saw she'd packed 10 condoms with her. FML

One Guy Spends A Week Living With All Girls And Shares Everything He Learns About Girls In An Epic And Educational Twitter Thread

Living with girls is like living in a different world with its own rules and customs, and when you’re the only person around with a penis, navigating this world can be an FML. So when 20-year-old Robbie spent a week with all girls, he got the education of a lifetime and shared it all on Twitter.