karma_kicks_back

Today, my wife's boyfriend learned that you can't flush condoms. FML

Today, my fiancée told me about her new diet. Apparently, she is only going to drink water and tan in a tanning bed so she can photosynthesise. She thinks this will help her lose weight, since she doesn't have to eat anything. I'm dating a dumbass. FML

Today, I woke up with my penis taped inside a milk bottle. Yes, I'm as baffled as you are. FML

What have I done now?

Today, I found out there's a support page on Facebook for people who have been "hurt" by me. FML

Today, my brother's recent creepy behavior suddenly made sense when I found "How to seduce your sister?" in his browser search history. FML