RunZoneFive

Blown job

Today, my girlfriend was giving me head while I was watching Star Trek and I accidentally called her Spock. FML

Today, my brother found 100 bucks in his coat pocket. He was so happy he bought 2 new games for his x-box. He was borrowing my coat. FML

Today, I found out my boyfriend stacks things on me while I sleep. Apparently his record is 4 pillows, a textbook, and the cat. FML

Today, while eating at a restaurant, I commented to the waiter about how large the pizza was. He then writes down his number, pats his crotch fondly, and informs me that "everything" I'm going to find at that restaurant is going to be big. He was serious. FML