gagus123

Middle Age Divorced Dad · 9 juillet 2026, 22:00 ·Toronto, Canada

Pied piper

Today, the school called and their first words were, "We only took our eyes off her for a second." It's worse than you can imagine. My daughter had been digging a hole under the fence at the back of the schoolyard all week. She lead a breakout of her kindergarten class under the fence and down a commuter railway track. FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 457 Tu l'as bien mérité 68

5 commentaires Partager

Permanently broke · 6 mai 2026, 12:00 ·United States

Shopaholic

Today, my yearly bonus finally hit my bank account while I was busy at work. Hurrah! Unfortunately, I'm married, so by the time I got a second of free time to check my phone, my email was full of my wife's online shopping receipts, including a non-refundable cruise. I wish we could save money… FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 512 Tu l'as bien mérité 160

3 commentaires Partager

Nervous · 4 décembre 2025, 03:00

Office supplies

Today, during a Zoom meeting, I tried to discreetly mute myself before yelling at my printer for jamming again. I wasn’t muted. My whole team listened as I threatened a piece of office equipment with violence. My boss suggested therapy for “Printer anger.” FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 160 Tu l'as bien mérité 405

2 commentaires Partager

Fitz · Ça date de 2009 mais c'est de la bonne ·United States

Pile up

Today, a woman drove through my house. She was texting and eating watermelon at the same time. I didn't know that was even possible, but now my house is condemned. FML

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jfc · 18 août 2025, 00:00 ·Amsterdam, Netherlands

Superhero stuff

Today, I bumped into the bitchy mean girl who bullied me mercilessly throughout high school, leaving deep emotional scars. When I told my boyfriend who she was, he picked her up, carried her out of the store, and threw her into a puddle. FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 385 Tu l'as bien mérité 239

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Anonymous · 18 juillet 2025, 15:00 ·Edison, United States

Surveillance state

Today, I was watching our home security cameras from work when I saw my husband get home and grab a beer. I activated the camera microphone and told him to put it back and fold the laundry. He flipped off the camera, chugged the beer, and started jacking off on the living room sofa. FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 89 Tu l'as bien mérité 1 131

7 commentaires Partager

Office Space 2025 · 23 mai 2025, 22:00 ·Seattle, United States

Hotly debated topic

Today, my coworker and I debated whether 100 average dudes could take down one gorilla. He said, "Only if 30 of us are willing to die." I disagreed, so we started working it out, using a whiteboard to do the math… which we forgot to wipe before the next meeting. HR now has us on a watchlist. FML

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Ali · 19 mai 2025, 03:00 ·Bucharest, Romania

Third place

Today, my husband came home and sat in his car out front for fifteen minutes. I went and knocked on the door, asking what he was doing. Apparently, I always dump so much shit on him the second he walks in the door that he needs a little peace between work and coming home to me. Ungrateful ass. FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 95 Tu l'as bien mérité 1 848

5 commentaires Partager

nearly20yetasfearfulasatoddlerhavingnightmares · Ça date de 2013 mais c'est de la bonne ·Allen, United States

Jumpy

Today, it's my third night of finally living on my own in a house. I can't count the number of times I have run to my knife and pepper spray after hearing "suspicious" sounds. Maybe I'm not ready to be an adult after all. FML

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111 commentaires Partager

Anonymous · 7 mars 2025, 12:00 ·United States

Self own + Karma

Today, I was really excited to go on a date with my girlfriend. We were sat in the restaurant looking at our menus when she suddenly frowned and said someone was watching us from across the street. I turned to see who it was. My wife. FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 85 Tu l'as bien mérité 1 897

11 commentaires Partager

Sodapop · 3 décembre 2024, 20:00 ·Richmond, United States

Let me rest!

Today, I'm working 12-hour overnight shifts for the next three days. My fiancee can't seem to grasp the concept of sleeping during the day, and keeps coming into the bedroom and telling me to stop being lazy. FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 657 Tu l'as bien mérité 113

3 commentaires Partager

Anonymous · 26 septembre 2024, 20:00

Confused

Today, I steeled my nerve, gritted my teeth, pulled my finger out, and asked our new coworker on a date. He looked at me weird, then said those four words, “But I’m not gay.” Five weeks we’ve worked together and all that time he thought I was a man. I’m a woman, born a woman, with a vagina. FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 612 Tu l'as bien mérité 162

3 commentaires Partager

Anonymous · 5 septembre 2024, 20:00 ·Maryland Heights, United States

Build your own

Today, after my wife gave birth to another of our daughters, she announced that this was the last one. When I reminded her I still needed a son to carry on my name, she replied, "Well, you've got four girls. You want a boy? Birth him yourself!" FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 104 Tu l'as bien mérité 1 893

13 commentaires Partager

Anonymous · 6 septembre 2024, 00:00 ·United Kingdom

Choose your fighter

Today, during the night, we thought we had an intruder, but it was my girlfriend who grabbed a hammer and went downstairs to check. After it turned out to be the damn cat, I asked her why she made me stay upstairs. Apparently because she’s seen me fight in the past, she felt much safer doing it herself. FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 147 Tu l'as bien mérité 520

3 commentaires Partager

Dad · 21 août 2024, 22:00 ·United States

The protector

Today, I paid my daughter a surprise visit, only to see her husband beating her. I charged in and slammed him into the wall. She screamed at me to stop. They'd recently gotten into martial arts and were sparring, and now he's got a broken arm. FML

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Chris · 18 août 2024, 22:00 ·Canada

Pumpkin spice season is coming

Today, I was home alone and decided to try on my Halloween costume, a giant inflatable dinosaur suit. As I was prancing around the living room, my doorbell rang. Without thinking, I answered it. It was the mailman with a package. The look on his face as he handed a T-rex a box was priceless, but now he probably thinks I’m nuts. FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 187 Tu l'as bien mérité 436

4 commentaires Partager

Anonymous · 19 juillet 2024, 14:00 ·United Kingdom

Idiots

Today, my husband took our son into the woods with a big stick and two tennis rackets because they'd found a hornets nest. Yes, they used the stick to poke the nest and the tennis rackets to whack the hornets, like they thought it was a game. They got swarmed and are now in hospital. Idiots. FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 575 Tu l'as bien mérité 114

2 commentaires Partager

Anonymous · 12 juillet 2024, 14:00 ·United Kingdom

Boob inspector

Today, my husband's latest attempt to torture me was to point out that in every animated kids film like Encanto, Moana, and so on, that somewhere behind Disney's walls is an animator who has to animate the characters boobs and how they bounce when the characters walk. I can’t unsee it; so many films. FML

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4 commentaires Partager

Anonymous · 2 juillet 2024, 22:00 ·United Kingdom

Bros

Today, my boyfriend met my brother. They're both over 6 foot, and big. They glared at each other like they were about to start a fight, then out of nowhere shook hands, hugged while laughing like lunatics, and have been besties all afternoon. Why are gym bros such weird idiots? FML

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7 commentaires Partager

UnemployedPlsHelp · 10 mai 2024, 16:00 ·United States

No receipts

Today, I found out you can’t lie about having a Master’s Degree in order to get a job. I paid a friend $500 to make a very real looking Master’s diploma from an accredited school. My plan worked well, until they asked me for my official transcripts. Meaning it has to come from the institution directly. FML

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5 commentaires Partager

Anonymous · 20 avril 2024, 09:00 ·Chesapeake, United States

Funny, huh?

Today, after having an upset stomach for two days, I thought it would be funny to rip a fart in front of two teen boys at the hardware store. It wasn’t until I crapped myself wearing shorts and it ran down my leg into my sock that I realized it wasn’t at all “funny.” FML

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4 commentaires Partager

I am really sorry! · 17 mars 2024, 14:00 ·Makati City, Philippines

Breaking news

Today, on my second day at work. A fellow trainee broke a cardinal rule: no phones in class. When it went off after receiving a text message, our trainer snatched it, handed it to me, and ordered me to read it aloud in front of everyone, "OR ELSE!" Despite my protests, I had to. It read: "Call home ASAP, mom is dead." FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 824 Tu l'as bien mérité 105

4 commentaires Partager

smooth · Ça date de 2014 mais c'est de la bonne ·United States

Brain worms

Today, my coworker pointed to our nervous new intern and asked who he was. I jokingly said, "Can't you tell? He's our new slave." I then quickly realized how bad that sounded, given the intern is black. FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 30 892 Tu l'as bien mérité 19 134

5 commentaires Partager

Lucia · 3 décembre 2023, 22:00 ·United States

Tense

Today, I found out my husband and I are banned from family gatherings, all because he was my sister’s ex-husband. They need to come to terms with #1, that was 2 years ago; #2 we’re obviously a better fit for one another. If he was "the One", he’d still be hers; #3 you can’t force someone to love you when they don’t. FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 113 Tu l'as bien mérité 2 235

18 commentaires Partager

starboi · Ça date de 2016 mais c'est de la bonne ·Weaver, United States

You what now?

Today, I heard a girl say, "Darth Vader is that black guy from Star Trek, right?" FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 8 928 Tu l'as bien mérité 1 542

37 commentaires Partager

Anonymous · Ça date de 2009 mais c'est de la bonne ·United States

Judge not lest you be judged, my friend

Today, I was riding my bike and stopped at a street light. A little girl looked at me, then asked her mother, "Mommy, why does that girl have a ring through her nose?" Her mother then replied, "Because her parents don't love her." FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 72 050 Tu l'as bien mérité 20 006

250 commentaires Partager

blondie101 · Ça date de 2011 mais c'est de la bonne ·United States

Poetry in politics

Today, I drank a fifth of vodka before I took my political science final. My professor later called me to tell me that I had written "Obama is a beautiful chocolate man" to every essay question. FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 13 996 Tu l'as bien mérité 100 515

17 commentaires Partager

Betriz · 14 août 2023, 06:00 🌶️ Épicée

Helping hand

Today, I walked in on my live-in sister masturbating my husband. He currently has injuries on both arms and they’re both in a cast. She told me he was “horny” and needed to “take some pressure off” so she wanted to “help” because she "was home at the time.” They both seriously see nothing wrong with this. FML

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3 commentaires Partager

Anonymous · 11 août 2023, 06:00

Mom's alone time is precious

Today, my daughter found out there was a vacant seat left in first class on our flight and damn if she didn’t pounce on the opportunity to get bumped up into it so fast, because she, “like, deserved a break.” She left me in economy class for a 10-hour flight with her 3 year old and 1 year-old with teething pain. FML

Je valide, c'est une VDM 1 047 Tu l'as bien mérité 247

8 commentaires Partager

duck me! · 2 mars 2023, 04:00

Prank culture has gone too far

Today, some asshole superglued ten rubber ducks to my car while I was at work. FML

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