Today, I made a joke about having a wedding to my mom and she told me not to joke about something that will probably never happen. FML
Today, while I was at the dentist, I couldn't stop gagging when he tried to put a tab in my mouth to get an x-ray. As I left, I overheard him saying, "I feel sorry for her boyfriend." FML
Today, I complimented a guy on his beard. His response? "Thanks. Wanna sit on it?" FML
Today, I asked my 12-year-old son what he wanted for his birthday. He looked me dead in the eyes and said, "A whore." FML
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