LifeMD

Today, I had a bunch of parties while my parents were out of town. I made sure to clean up absolutely everything, I even vacuumed the stairs. As they pulled up, I noticed all of the trash bags filled with beer cans blocking their way into the garage. FML

Today, I had to blow up an air mattress using only my lungs. After nearly passing out from lack of oxygen, I realized there was a hole in it. FML

Today, I started my new job at a security company. In the first 15 minutes there was a bomb threat. FML

Today, I get to stand in the unemployment line for the second time in a year because my company can't pay me. My parents own the company. FML

Today, I called a company for a problem with our septic tank. Two workers show up, I take them into the garden to show them the manhole cover at the top of it. They open it up. We then gaze upon a sea of condoms floating on the surface. My wife and I don't use condoms. FML

Today, my grandmother yelled at me for driving erratically. I was "driving" in a video game. FML