anonymuse_fml

Today, I was sitting in a café when I dropped my phone. After ages searching the floor for it, I realised it had dropped into the lady behind me's bag. She looked terrifying, so I thought I'd wait until she went to the bathroom. She never did, and I ended watching her walk out, with my phone. FML

Today, I heard a noise outside in the middle of the night, so I went out for a look. I'm also pregnant and can't stop farting. I get 2 steps outside and accidentally let a huge one rip, then, from the shadows I hear "Oh my god!" and then running in the opposite direction. I farted away a prowler. FML