guitar78_fml

Today, I found out that even though my sister and I are identical twins, I'm known as "The ugly one". FML

Get them away from me

Today, I was attacked by clowns at work. I don't work at the circus. FML

Today, I got mugged. But luckily I had on my keyring the pepper spray that my husband had insisted I keep with me. Unlucky for me, my husband's co-worker, who borrowed my keys, emptied my pepper by spraying it on a brick wall one day when he was bored. FML

Today, my mom left me at home with a babysitter. I'm 17. FML

Today, I got banned on Club Penguin because I said "shit" while I was in a fight with another penguin about whose igloo is cooler. Shouldn't I have better things to do on a Friday night? FML

Communication breakdown

Today, I got a notice in the mail saying I had been fired from my job. My dad's the boss, who I happen to live with. FML

Today, It was my birthday and my friends came to celebrate it. My parents thought it would be funny to give me a vibrator in front of everybody. FML

Thanks for that

Today, I received my first wedding present in the mail. I opened it immediately and called the sender to say thanks. She yelled at me for opening it and, because she shipped it to me by mistake, requested it back. FML

Today, I got a parking ticket in the mail. I don't have a car. FML

Today, I found out that the candy bracelet my sister gave me a few days ago was actually a candy cock ring she'd used on her boyfriend just a few hours prior. Apparently, she didn't like the taste. I however, did. FML