Today, my grandfather called me for the first time since lockdown. Just like the last 3 times we spoke, he tried to pressure me into learning to drive, despite my making it clear that it absolutely terrifies me. He won't stop asking. FML
Today, my roommates thought I wasn't home and started talking about me. Apparently I'm a lesbian, devil worshiper, and an alcoholic. I didn't know my life was so fascinating. FML
Today, I realized why buying clear pins for the wall is a bad idea. If one falls out, you won't be able to see it with your eyes, but your foot will find it just fine. I also learnt foot wounds can produce a pretty significant geyser of blood. FML
Today, my 19 year old girlfriend dumped me because she thinks I'm immature. I'm 30. FML
Today, my boyfriend finally proposed to me in front of his whole family with the ring his mother had helped him pick out. Two hours later, I found emails of nudes from another women that had been sent to him a week prior, on his phone. Our flight for home leaves in a week. FML
Today, I started to get horny while watching TV with my husband. I tried turning him on by telling him I wanted his cock. He cheerfully replied without looking away from the TV, "If only I gave a fuck, babe, if only I gave a fuck!" FML
Today, my boyfriend dumped me during what was supposed to be a romantic getaway at a remote log cabin. FML
Today, I saw my mom changing the expiry date on milk. She genuinely thought this would make the milk sour later. FML
Today, I wanted to prove to my dad that I can drive, so that he'd let me use his car in future. Let's just say I helped him remove the fence that he was planning to repair. FML
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