Monsieur Charleston 35 ans Célibataire
Today, my dog has figured out how to open screen doors on his own, by body checking them at full force, of course, like one does. This would be all fine and good, but we live by a lake with a considerable mosquito infestation. FML
Today, I came home from three months off the continent. My parents drove me home, and when we drove past our house, I assumed we were going for a welcome home supper. Instead, we drove to a dilapidated trailer and my parents said, "Welcome home." We used to live in a large, beautiful two-story house. FML
Today, while getting steamy with my boyfriend, I tried to be sexy and tease him by playfully pushing his hands away every time he touched me. He responded by telling me it's OK if we didn't have sex because my breath was a bit "funky" and he needed to take "a massive dump anyway." FML
Today, I was in a hurry to get something out of the oven, so I quickly grabbed my roommate's only oven mitt and grabbed the pan in the oven. It didn't take long to figure out there was a hole in it when my thumb hit the hot pan. FML
Today, while volunteering at my local library, a guy who smelled like crap followed me around all day. Every time I would bend over to shelf a book, he would start grunting. Apparently, he's going to be at the library every day. FML
Today, I ate dinner sitting on the floor. My petty roommate got pissed off during the weekend and decided the appropriate action would be to lock all the furniture in her room and refuse to give it back. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she believes I "jinxed" her chances of getting the job she wanted. FML
Today, I was so happy to hear my phone go "Ding" that I jumped for joy out of my couch. It was actually a character on my TV getting a text. FML
Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend with some kinky role play. I chose a sexy naughty nun's outfit, complete with head cover, thigh-high stockings and crotchless panties. I guess my outfit was a little too convincing, because he couldn’t get it up. Thanks Catholic guilt. FML
Today, I spent almost an hour cleaning and scrubbing the inside of my fridge. Just when I'd finished putting everything back inside, I tipped over the open milk carton. FML
Today my boyfriend of almost a year, accused me of cheating and lying to him. This was all out of the blue, so I was very upset and EXTREMELY confused. A few hours after, someone sent me a picture of him with another woman. Now that made sense. Currently: Burning all of his stuff. FML
Today, I decided to stand up to my bosses for making me lose money and work with heat stroke... while my co worker got to go home early I had to work 2 hours later. Turns out I got a supervisor in trouble for making me work when there was help allocated. Now I have to walk on eggshells, FML
Today, my mom and I got into a fight about a topic we agreed on. Seems like we're destined to never get along. FML
Today, I took my toddler to the store while my wife napped at home. He was saying to me "Go away Dadad! Go away Mama!" He points to an old woman we don't know and yells "Go away, Grandma!" FML
Today, it's been almost 3 weeks since Christmas. It's also been almost 3 weeks since I sliced my thumb open on a (gift) knife from one side to the other and required 6 stitches. On top of that, no insurance means two grand in debt that I don't have.... FML
Today, I called my mom for her birthday. She started talking about an infomercial she'd seen for a combo bidet-and-dryer, and how she would like to get one so she can feel "fresh down there" without worrying about getting bits of toilet paper on her nether regions. I can't un-hear this. FML
Today, my husband sent my 7th grade daughter to school in a burka in response to her being sent home because her sleeve straps were a fraction of an inch too thin for faculty liking. Personally, I don't have a problem with the burka, except that her teacher is my pastors wife. FML
Today my best friend told me that he can't be friends with me anymore because his gf sees me as a threat. Years of friendship gone in 1 phone call because she threatens to harm herself every time he tries to leave... FML
Today, while making out with my boyfriend, I realized he was opening his mouth wide a lot. At first, I thought he was trying to French-kiss me. He was actually yawning through the whole thing. FML
Today, while on the crapper, I learned that morphine has a nasty side-effect. It appears that it can cause a massive rock-hard piece of dung the size of a bus to form in your intestines. I went to the doctor, he handed me a glove and some laxatives and said, "Have fun!" FML
Today, my fiancé and I slept in my parent’s bed after weeks of hearing how comfortable it is. My fiancé vomited the second we got into bed, destroying the mattress, bedding, and pillows. Now they have nowhere to sleep until we get them a new one. FML
Today, due to poor planning and a number of undesireable coincidences, Ive been stuck in an airport alone 1,500 miles from home on Christmas day. FML
Today, I realized that my mom talks to me with the exact same tone of voice she uses for my little cousin. I’m 23 and my cousin is 2. FML
Today, I learned that when you hear a bump in the night, it's best not to check your parents' room. Some things cannot be unseen. FML
Today, I got T-boned by a woman going 60 mph. I was unconscious for hours, while a tube was inserted into my collapsed lung. Upon waking up, my 16-year old brother thought it would be hilarious to yank out my leg hairs. FML
Today, I was standing on a desk at work to run wiring in a suspended ceiling, since we have no ladder. My phone rang, I rushed to answer it, tripping and smashing my leg. It was my boss, calling to tell me he was bringing over a ladder. FML
You’re probably wondering what this website is all about. Well, it’s basically a bunch of people who had enough humor to tell you all about their shitty lives, and what it was that made their day suck a big fat one. Some are sad in funny way, som...
Today, it's my wife's birthday. Since I had work, I gave her $200 to spend on herself and left. When I came back with dinner and the movie she wanted, I found her with a dog. She is very attached to him because the shelter was going to put him down. I love him, but I'm allergic to dogs. FML
Today, I had a job interview. I have major OCD, and I had to sit in a room with a man covered in cat hair, struggling to even survive for an hour and a half. FML
Today, my girlfriend returned home from a several week vacation with family. Instead of a happy reunion, I was terribly emasculated, publicly, for bringing flowers that "weren't as pretty as all the other couples' in baggage claim." FML
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