IJG2000

Today, I got mugged in broad daylight, in a park, by a teenage girl. To top it off, I'm a grown man. FML

Farmville

Today, my uncle drove to my house in his tractor, beer in one hand, and a radio strapped to the dash blasting country music at unimaginable volume. Neither of us live on a farm. Half the neighborhood stood angrily glaring at us until we went inside. FML

Reflex

Today, I was cleaning a pocketknife when I noticed a spider on my leg. My first reaction was to stab it. FML

Today, my guide dog sneezed so hard that it slammed its head on the floor and knocked itself out. I have to trust this dog with my life. FML

Today, I strained so hard trying to take a crap that I broke a blood vessel in my eye. FML