AliLikesApples

Today, I was trying to have sex with my boyfriend, David. I moaned his name and he whispered, "I'm not David." Then, with an Italian accent, he said, "It's-a-me! Mario!" FML

Today, my brother was doing an extremely annoying Shrek impression, so I turned the TV on in a desperate attempt to drown him out. You'll never guess what movie was on. FML