mcastin

Today, my best friend told me she wanted to rape my throat. I did not know that was possible. FML

Today, the dog went nuts at 3am. I searched the yard with a spotlight and machete. Nothing. He may actually just be an asshole. FML

Today, I woke up to a scream downstairs. My 13 year-old daughter was trying to bite her little brother's neck. No matter how hard I try, she will not believe that she is NOT and NEVER WILL BE a vampire. FML

Today, I had to utter the phrase "OK, but no cape during sex" to my girlfriend. FML