xxSoFlyxx

A for effort

Today, my boyfriend sent me a picture of his morning dump because it was heart-shaped. FML

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job. As I reached my climax, she thought it would be funny to turn my 'weapon' against me. Boom, headshot. FML

Today, my girfriend of two years told me she wasn't actually a lesbian and our relationship was more of a 'learning experience'. FML

Today, I learned, 15 years later, that my puppy from when I was 4, was not taken by Santa because he was in need of a reindeer. My parents took him to the shelter because they thought he was ugly. FML

Today, on the way home from the dog groomer, my great Dane had a bout of diarrhea in the car. I slammed on the brakes and my other freshly shampooed dog slid off the seat and into the pile of crap. FML

Today, my friend stole my phone to call the creepy boy that follows me around at school. I wouldn't have been so bothered if she hadn't had phone sex with him, all while pretending to be me. He got so into it, he now thinks we're a couple. FML

Today, I joked with my dad, saying I'd gotten my boyfriend pregnant. In response, he slapped me, threw my phone across the room, smashed my laptop, and then took a moment for what I'd said to sink in. FML

Today, I realized I've been sinking into a deep depression, ignoring all my friends, and don't know what to do with my life anymore. This is all because I gave up Facebook for lent. FML