Today, I slipped on a plastic bag that my mom, the hoarder, was keeping on the stairs. I fell and sprained my ankle, getting rug burn in the process. Her response? Getting mad at me, putting the bag back on the stairs, then getting another to add to the pile. FML
Today, two Jehovah's Witnesses rang my doorbell for the 10th time. This time they asked me whether I knew Faith's greatest enemy. I replied, "Basic reasoning?" A copy of The Watchtower can really hurt when it hits you in the eye. FML
Today, our cleaning lady's son came to our house claiming that his mother had died of a heart attack. We gave him her entire month's salary as well as some extra money. A few hours later, our cleaning lady turned up for work. Turns out she doesn't have a son. FML
Today, my 23 year old boyfriend of 2 years was forced to dump me, over the phone, by his mother. FML
Today, my mom put me in an anger management class because I said "crap." FML
Today, I got kicked off the train because I refused to stand for an old lady who wanted to sit down. There was an empty seat right next to me. FML
Today, at football practice, a 200lb lineman ended up landing on my stomach. The weight made me shit myself. My new nickname is "Muddbutt". FML
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