Checker

Today, I realised the only preparation I've done for my final French exam has been wanking off to French porn. FML

Today, I was doing a design sketch for work. I snapped a pic and sent it to my boss. She replied, "Impressive. Nice sketch too." I was drawing at home, naked. My dick was in the picture. FML

Today, I got reprimanded by my boss for saying "It's a stab in the dark, though." According to him, it's a euphemism for anal sex and I was being offensive to a gay colleague, the same one who kept insisting it was no problem. I got written up anyway. FML

Dealbreaker

Today, my girlfriend dumped me. Not for cheating or for flirting, but because I wear tighty whities. FML

Today, I learnt the meaning of the phrase "ménage à trois". I had always thought it was synonymous with "fiasco" and have used it several times in essays. FML