Today, my girlfriend was about to give me a blowjob. When her lips met my penis, there was a huge static shock. I never got the blowjob, she is still laughing and I have ice on my penis. FML
Today, I was sitting on my boyfriend's lap and we were hanging out, talking, and enjoying each other's company. Then he looked into my eyes and right when I thought he was going to kiss me, he said, "I can feel your heartbeat on my dick." FML
Today, I went to bed with three hot, half-naked girls beneath me. I was in the bunk above. Alone. FML
Today, my drunk father chased me down the street with my little brother's light saber screaming, "Come back Yoda! Teach me how to use the force!" FML
Today, I found my husband Googling Morse Code. He thinks his farts are trying to communicate with him. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I decided it was time to lose our virginity. After our clothes were removed, we spent 30 minutes trying to figure out how to actually have sex, and eventually gave up. FML
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