Somewhere in, Canada 32 ans Célibataire
Today, I found out why teenage boys have "Keep out" and "Please knock" signs on their bedroom doors. FML
Today, I was at the park with my friends. We were all having fun on the swings, when out of nowhere I heard a thud, followed by a child crying. Turns out I accidentally kicked him in the head. FML
Today, my new boyfriend asked why it takes me so long to reach orgasm. I didn't have the heart to tell him that he's never even given me one. FML
Today, I found a bug under my foreskin. FML
Today, I found out my marriage counselor is currently going through her second divorce. FML
Today, I joined a dating site. The first guy it recommended was the stalker I met on the last dating site I used. FML
Today, in my psychology class, the creepy guy who sits beside me every day leans over and says, "I have an upset stomach, I may have to use the bathroom." FML
Today, depressed about a recent break-up with my long-term boyfriend, I bought a book about moving on after a relationship ends. The cashier placed some standard promotional fliers in my bag during check-out. Once home, I pulled out the fliers. They were for a married couples retreat. FML
Today, after years of secretly faking my orgasms, my husband gave me my first real one. Afterward was also the first time he ever accused me of faking it because, "It was different from all the other times." FML
Today, I finally found the jewelry my two-year-old son had lost when it got lodged in my foot. FML
Today, I received a text from the guy I'm into, thanking me for helping him drunkenly stumble back to his apartment last night. He ended it with, "How long did you stay?" Apparently, he doesn't remember confessing his secret love for me, or the fantastic kiss that followed. FML
Today, I decided not to wear any makeup. I got told 13 times at work that I looked ill. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend for the first time. When I took my underwear off, she looked at my penis, snorted, and covered her mouth. She claimed that her "allergies" were flaring and we have to wait until they clear up. FML
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