KILX3R

Today, I sent the texts "I love and miss you babe ;)" and "Shit wrong person" to my ex just so he would think I have a life. FML

Red scare

Today, I introduced my Chinese-born girlfriend to the rest of the family. My uncle immediately blurted out, "He's dating a communist." FML

Today, my boyfriend went and bought Skyrim, Modern Warfare 3 and renewed his WoW subscription. Looks like I won't be getting laid for a month or two. FML

Today, I was casually shopping at Walmart. Everything was normal until the young guy browsing the aisle next to me suddenly approached me and whispered "sperm" into my ear. My spine has never experienced a chill like this one before. FML

Today, my mother refused to agree with any of my logic because it's "not in The Bible." She can't find any fault with it, just refuses to agree with it. FML