Mademoiselle Window Rock, USA 31 ans
Today, I received a letter in the mail. The letter was from a woman who explained to me every single detail of a three month affair she had with my husband. She included pictures. FML
Today, my crush gave me a ride home. When I opened the door to get out, he switched the gear to reverse, thinking the car was in park. I got run over by the car door. FML
Today, while searching for the pungent odor that has been lingering in my son's bedroom, I discovered various types of juice my son has been "storing" to make wine. FML
Today, my dad came home drunk and called me hot. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were lying in bed together, and I was in a snuggly mood. I rolled over to gaze lovingly into his eyes and whisper sweet nothings to him in the darkness. His response? "Dear God! Did somebody fart in your mouth?!" FML
Today, I asked my 2 year old son to clean up his toys. When I bent down to give him a good job kiss afterwards, he punched me in the nose. FML
Today, I discovered that my girlfriend can only orgasm when we have sex to gospel music. FML
Today, I got back from vacation and walked in on my boyfriend and my brother in my bed. FML
Today, my wife told me that she was leaving me for someone with more hair. FML
Today, I was in the shower 'grooming' myself for my second anniversary with my boyfriend. Halfway through the hot water ran out. I now have the choice of going with the low 'half-fro' or risking hypothermia. My boyfriend thinks hypothermia would be the better option. FML
Today, my boyfriend pulled on my pubes and made 'engine starting' noises. This was his attempt at foreplay. FML
Today, Amazon didn't deliver the present I bought my mother for Mothering Sunday, so she called me an 'Ungrateful bastard.' And about half an hour ago, I cut my thumb whilst making her lunch. She said, 'You're doing this on purpose so I feel sorry for you. Well I don't.' FML
Today, while bending over to get the brownies I was making out of the oven, my husband slapped my butt. I fell into the oven. FML
Today, while driving with my step mother, she attempted to have phone sex with my dad. FML
Today, I found out that our neighbors told almost everyone on our street that I was mentally handicapped. All this time I wasn't sure why they would speak slowly and loudly at me. Now they won't believe me when I tell them I'm a 4.0 GPA student. FML
Today, my 3 year old daughter decided to put black nail polish over the webcam lens on my laptop because "It wasn't all black, so I decided to fix it." FML
Today, after three days of hospital camping with my very sick husband, he was finally out of danger when I left last night to get my first good night's sleep in almost 96 hours. He woke me at 5 a.m. with a phone call asking me to bring him comic books because he's bored. FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend if he was growing a mustache, as he had whiskers. He looked at me and said "No, but apparently you are." FML
Today, my girlfriend and her mom dropped me off at home. I told my girlfriend that I loved her. She said nothing, then her mom blurted out, "I love you too!" and drove away. FML
Today, my parents asked me if I would dog-sit for them while they go to my ex's wedding. FML
Today, my parents came to visit me. I bought boxers and cologne to make it look like I had a man here. I've been single since I moved away. FML
Today, the boys who sit at my math table decided it would be funny to throw broken pencils at my boobs to see if they were real. They did this the entire class period. I have to work with this group for the rest of the school year. FML
Today, my car got keyed because I was parked in a handicapped parking spot. I'm handicapped. FML
Today, I was getting ready to perform a speech in anthropology on the globalization of public transportation and how it brings cultures together. On the bus ride there, the girls behind me were discussing ways to hide their track marks after injecting. FML
Today, as I was training a new guy at work, my husband spent half the day creeping outside in his truck. FML
Today, my younger brother brought home his new bagpipes. My older brother plays the drums. I'm currently preparing to sit the most important exams of my schooling life. FML
Today, I dropped off my 19 year old daughter at her first job. It's at a strip club. FML
Today, I missed my dentist appointment. I couldn't attend, because I was too busy puking my guts up due to a bad reaction to the pain medication I'm taking for my toothache. FML
Today, I emailed my crush an anonymous love letter. It wasn't until twenty minutes later that I realized that the email address I used contained my full name. FML
Today, I slipped in a pile of vomit someone left for me on the train platform on the way to work, spraying puke all over both of my legs. It's only 6:30am. It's going to be a long day. FML
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