Today, my girlfriend came over to my house. Hoping to get a little action, I started to make out with her. Unfortunately I was wearing basketball shorts so when I got an erection, all she did was bat it back forth like a cat toy. FML
Today, I changed my 2009 new year's resolution to lose my virginity to my 2010 new year's resolution. FML
Today, I was dirty texting my boyfriend since we couldn't see each other this weekend. We were getting really into it when he said, "If only you were this good in real life." FML
Today, I was wearing my yoga pants for my boyfriend. He's infatuated with them. He claims they make my ass look nice. I found out it's because I constantly get a camel toe, and it gives him a semi every time he sees it. I found this out by listening to him and his father at dinner. FML
Today, I was rubbing my lips against my boyfriend's lips when I said, "Your mustache tickles" in a sexy tone. His response was, "So does yours." FML
Today, my girlfriend asked for a picture of my penis, so I sent her one. Then later on, she asked for one when I was hard, the first one I sent I was hard. FML
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