Today, my three-year-old daughter rushed in, excited about her new baby brother or sister. She was so excited, I didn't have the heart to tell her men can't have babies, and I just have a beer gut. FML
jamie12baky
Today, after babysitting, the parents actually tried to pay me in Trident Layers Gum. FML
Today, my pet fish died because my drunk father microwaved it. FML
Today, I asked my two children why they smelled like pee after we had gotten lunch at McDonald's. They told me that they were playing in the puddles in the play-place. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Because she farted, and thought it was "too awkward". FML