Smokindevil

Today, I discovered that when the man living in the house behind me thinks no one in the surrounding area is home, he likes to take his laundry off the line wearing nothing but a pair of sandals. FML

Today, my nap was cut short by three bricks flying through my window. FML

Today, my new dog unburied my old dog and chewed on his bones. FML

Today, I rear ended a cop while talking on my cell phone. FML

Orders

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and, in the heat of the moment, I cried out for him to go harder. He then had an exasperated expression on his face, and, in an adamantly offended tone, said, "Don't tell me what to do." Then he left the room. FML