Deadgood

Today, I overheard my boss and a co-worker talking about me. Apparently when I speak, I slur my words so badly that it sounds like I'm speaking in tongues. According to my boss, "he could be possessed by a demon right now, and we'd never even notice." FML

Wanking in the New Year

Today, I realized just how lonely I am when I tried to time my ejaculation to happen right as the new year started. FML