Mademoiselle New York 33 ans
Today, I found out that my son has been telling me he's gay so we would allow the "female friend" who is actually his girlfriend to stay over. FML
Today, I had to pee in my cat's litter box, just to avoid seeing my mom having sex in the living room on my way to the bathroom. FML
Yesterday my girlfriend broke up with me. Sad as i were i thought of ways to feel better. So i started masturbate. What i didn't expect right after i finished, were a notification from my stepcounter on my fitbit saying 'mission accomplished' FML.
Today was the first day back to fall semester. I found out my financial aid got messed up so now I have a private loan and I couldn't even get into the right classes this semester. ?
Today, I got on the bus after school and sat down, like I do every day. There was a wasp on the seat and I sat on its stinger. My ass hurts. FML
Today, I got a cute girl's number for the first time. Too bad it was because she rear ended my car. FML
Today, I was taking the biggest shit of my life. When I worked the thing out, it hit the water with such force that I got a toilet water enema from the backwash. I was so freaked out that I screamed and fell off the seat, prompting my husband to rush in to see what was wrong. FML
Today, I really had to use the airplane lavatory. After I'd finished, the flight attendants continuously sprayed air freshener for two minutes. FML
Today, I had to negotiate with my husband so he would bring me toilet paper while I was on the john. His terms? A blowjob. FML
Today, I took a girl out to dinner. Halfway through, she sighed and asked if it was all an episode of Disaster Date. FML
Today, my parents woke me up by pouring a glass of freezing cold water over my head. Their reason? They were "bored". FML
Today, my wife told me that getting in the mood to have sex with me is like trying to get in the mood to hit the treadmill. FML
Today, my entire family sat down in the living room to watch the video I recorded of my sister's graduation from college. I never pressed record. FML
Today, my now ex-boyfriend actually tried to justify his cheating by saying it doesn't count as cheating if the girl's bisexual. FML
Today, I woke up to find my cat has gone into heat. Her favorite thing to do right now is sticking her ass in my face and howling like a Nazgûl. FML
Today, I used fly spray on my muffin tray instead of olive oil. FML
Today, it's my birthday. The only "happy birthday"s I got were from my mom, her Facebook account, and the Facebook account she made for her cat. FML
Today, I told my crush, who I've liked for a while, that I liked him. He looked at me in pure terror and walked away. FML
Today, my 8 year old son cut his own hair. He did a better job than I ever did. I'm a hairdresser. FML
Today, it appears that my girlfriend visited an internet web page called "How to confess to having an affair." FML
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