EffedUpForeals

Today, I met my wife's other husband. FML

Today, after months of hardcore flirting with this incredibly attractive guy, he invited me to hang out. At which point he introduced me to his boyfriend. FML

Today, my friends let me win at strip poker so I wouldn't take off my clothes. FML

Today, I found on the internet pictures of me sleeping. I sleep naked. FML

Today, I actually had to have a discussion with my boyfriend about why he should shower more than once a week. FML

Today, I woke up with my face sharpied. I live alone. FML

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she suspected me of cheating. She thought I was cheating because she caught me sneaking out in the middle of the night. I was sneaking out to plan my proposal to her. FML

Casual

Today, my mother urged me to "get over this lesbian thing and give me some grandkids." In front of my girlfriend of eleven months. FML

Today, I found out I have a daughter. How did I find out? She added me on Facebook. FML

Today, my mum got drunk at a party and flashed me and my friends. FML

Today, my son learned about various animals in school, and how they urinate to mark their territory. Apparently, the entire second floor of my house is now my son's territory. FML

Today, I found out the love of my life, my husband, is cheating on me. When I confronted him about it, his response was, "Don't blame me, you're the gullible bitch." FML

Today, a really hot guy smacked my ass. I farted. FML