Monsieur 9 ans
Today, while getting my teeth cleaned, the dentist’s boobs kept hitting me. Normally I wouldn’t care, but she’s a new mother. There was milk on my shoulder. FML
The puns really reigned supreme this week, placing all over this week’s comment countdown. From IKEA meals, to a wide array of bodily fluids, to travel tips - it’s all here!
Today, I let out a big sigh after a long day. My mother, a "recovering" alcoholic, overheard and promptly used it as an excuse to go out and buy wine. Apparently, if I cared about her I wouldn't "spread the negativity" and she would still be sober. FML
Today, at the movies on a date, I drank all my soda and waited too long. I couldn't take it anymore and quickly got up, knocking my date's popcorn on the floor, and ran to the bathroom. I didn’t make it and went home in shame. It’s better he thinks I stood him up. FML
In this week’s edition of the comment countdown, there are probably too many puns, one user who commented on practically everything, and of course, very clever wordplay.
Today, I found out that, while not exactly probable, it is definitely possible to squirt yourself in the eye with breast milk. It burns. FML
In this week’s edition of the comment corral, stuff is going in and out of butts, FML gets meta, and CSI’s Horatio Caine drops in for a quick one-liner.
In this edition of the comment countdown, people get really heated over some controversial topics, like gender, the treatment of cakes, and the age cutoff for bouncy houses. It’s a real rollercoaster - you’re gonna love it.
Today, I got home from working abroad for eight months and opened my post. I'm being taken to court over three parking tickets my mom didn't tell me she'd gotten using my car. If we lose, my credit score is affected for six years. FML
Today, my usual 15 minute return trip from the fabric store took almost an hour and a half due to traffic. Once I finally got home, I realized I misunderstood the pattern I'm using and only bought half the fabric I needed. FML
Today, I held in an explosive fart during a co-worker's rant and waited a few seconds after he left the room to release the Kraken. Forgetting something, he returned mid-fart. Before either of us could say anything, our boss came into the room. FML
Today, I bought a cake. I then immediately forgot what I was carrying, opened the door to my car, and tossed the bag into the back seat. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I went to a shop known for its hardcore sex toys. We happened to run into one of my university lecturers and her wife discussing butt plugs with a member of staff, and then saw my aunt and uncle at the register. FML
Today, I found out that I've been taking the wrong math class all semester. We're only a few weeks from finals and I have no drops left. FML
Today, someone broke into my house and stole all of my underwear. FML
Today, I finished a repair on my trailer. About twenty miles down the road, one of the joints gave out and the whole thing broke on the freeway, scattering lumber and splinters everywhere. The traffic cop called me the worst carpenter in the whole state. FML
Today, my daughter's quirkiness and eccentricities may have gone to a whole new level when her school faculty described her as "no stranger to LSD". She's 5. FML
Today, during harvest, I got out of my tractor and promptly fell down the stairs, peed my pants, and stepped ankle deep in a mud hole. I sat in wet pants for the next two hours. FML
Today, I crashed into a pole on purpose as a cop pulled me over for speeding. I figured the officer would feel bad for me and that the cost of fixing my car would be less than a ticket. He gave me one anyway. FML
Today, I fell asleep on the way to a pool party and woke up covered in sharpie swastikas and dicks. FML
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