ham_spam

Today, a girl asked me to check out her left breast, which she said she'd found a strange lump on. I'm an orthodontist. FML

Today, my husband came too soon during sex. He then tried to pretend it didn't happen and continued. He humped me with a half-erect noodle for about seven minutes before I finally called him out. FML

Today, when I turned on the TV, there was a picture of a wanted murderer. The picture looked just like my boyfriend. FML

Today, I found out the girl I met online, who I spent hours talking to every day for the past 2 months, and who I fell in love with is actually my gay roomate. He says if I could fall in love with "her", I can fall in love with him. It doesn't work that way, dickhead. FML

Today, a new girl showed up at my school and everyone really seems to be intrigued about her. I've been told at least five times today that she is the hotter version of me. FML