DaggNabbit

Today, I was trying on bikinis at a local store. When I put my pants back on, my foot got stuck, I tripped and fell through the curtain of the fitting room, topless. FML

Today, some idiot introduced my grandmother to yoga pants. FML

Today, my boss at my new call center job said he'd gotten complaints about me. Apparently I sound "too black" and it's "upsetting" some of our customers. I don't know what that even means, but my boss said I need to "tone it down or we're gonna have some problems". FML

Today, I blew my load in less than a minute. I wasn't having sex or even making out. I was spooning. FML

Today, my boss told me they were letting me go because they "could no longer afford to pay me." Never mind the catered lunch they had the day before, which cost more than a week's worth of my salary. FML