ChinchillaLady

Today, I met this cute girl at a college program and talked a bunch with her over text. It turns out she and an old friend of mine went to the same college, so trying to start a conversation with her, told her to look out for him because he's a nice kid. They ended up getting together.. FML

Main character syndrome

Today, after being hospitalized last week due to a severe mental breakdown, my mom is still mad at me for missing her big solo at church. She had even tried to demand I be released from the hospital for it. She's still going on about how she thinks I missed it on purpose. FML

Drunken antics

Today, after a 4 or 5 month-long dry spell, I woke up next to an amazing and beautiful woman. Neither of us were wearing pants. She looked me in the eyes and said, "Did I piss the bed?" FML

Today, after a month of complaining that she doesn't see me enough, I spent the weekend at my mother's house. I got there, only to discover that the only food in the house is Lucky Charms, Coca-Cola and Bailey's. I'm not old enough to drink Bailey's and I hate Coca-Cola. FML

Today, I realized two things: how much time I've spent waiting between lectures, and just how bad my love life is. I found out that I get incredibly jealous when somebody sits on my favourite bench in the centre of the campus. FML

Today, I got up early for a doctor's appointment and chugged two cups of coffee. Ten minutes before I was supposed to leave, my doctor calls asking to reschedule, which would have been fine had I not cleared my whole day for this appointment. Now I'm too wired to go back to bed. FML

Today, the mall I work at started playing Christmas songs on repeat. It's the beginning of November. FML

Today, the police gave me a ticket for obstructing a loading bay as the vehicle "was not parked within the loading bay markings". I couldn't get the vehicle fully into the loading bay because there was a police vehicle in the way. FML