kristergirl

Today, I was told I'm not invited to my best friend's birthday party. Apparently, being divorced and childless doesn't "mesh" well with the rest of the group. My parents are still watching her kids so she can go away for the weekend. FML

Today, I spent my first day with my parents for the first time in a year as I've been away at university. My dad went to work, and my mum spent the whole day playing mahjong with her friends as they all told me "how fat I've gotten" and how "boys won't like it". FML

Wankers

Today, my religious dad caught my brother jerking off, so he decided to give us both a lecture about it. My brother ended up saying, "If God doesn't want me to jerk off, how come he made my knob the perfect shape to fit in my hand?" I burst out laughing and now we're both grounded. FML