Mademoiselle Guilford, Connecticut 28 ans Célibataire
Today, during dinner, my new girlfriend's father stroked my leg several times under the table with his bare foot. FML
Today, I spent four hours practicing funny voices. I have literally nothing better to do all day. FML
Today, I was sleeping when my roommate walked in and asked me, "So… when are you leaving?" She had decided to throw a party in our apartment. I wasn't invited. FML
Today, I texted my college boyfriend to tell him how terrible I felt about cheating. He replied saying he was so relieved because he had been cheating on me with a girl in his dorm. I was talking about my math exam. FML
Today, my coworker asked to borrow my nail clippers so he could take care of a hangnail. He went to the bathroom, which I thought was polite, but when he got back to his desk and returned my clippers, there were little curly hairs stuck inside. He's bald. FML
Today, I woke my husband up at 2 a.m., screaming that there was a badger in our bedroom. We both screamed for a bit until he finally said, "What are we screaming about!?" I took a second look at the badger, and realized it was my four-year-old daughter with her blanket. FML
Today, my mother told me I looked like a hooker in my wedding dress. Thanks mommy. FML
Today, I was at the gym on the elliptical. Feeling proud of myself for finishing a very intense workout, I looked to my left to see that the maintenance guy fixing the machine next to me had burned more calories testing the machine than I did during my entire workout. FML
Today, I found out that the only way I can convince my husband to start working out is by convincing him that we are training for when the "zombie outbreak" happens. FML
Today, I found out I was named after the woman my dad used to stalk when he was in high school. FML
Today, I had to bail my brother out of jail after he punched a convenience store clerk in the face for running out of Cheetos. FML
Today, I found out that my three closest online friends are the same person: my obsessive ex. I met all three before he and I even started dating. FML
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