barberton21

Today, I found out my boyfriend is only with me because he's in love with my sister, who turned him down repeatedly, and I'm the closest he can now get. FML

Tasty!

Today, my boyfriend told me the thing that gets him really horny. Apple sauce. FML

Today, I accidentally drank my sister's science project. Her science project consisted of taking a glass of orange juice and putting maggots in it to see if they would live. I thought it was just pulp. FML

Today, my husband decided it would be funny to shout "Woohoo!" in Michael Jackson's voice while having an orgasm. FML

Today, I went to go use an automatic cart in Walmart because I broke my hip in January. They were all being used by morbidly obese people throughout the store. I asked a manager if she could get me one, but apparently their weight issues are more impeding than my broken hip. FML