Today, I threw a rock in the air and watched it soar. And watched it come back down and hit me in the face. Gravity. FML
Today, I woke up and I'm still in the Marine Corps. FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me to marry him by handing me a ring and telling me, "Okay we're engaged now." I should have seen it coming when we started dating, I went to his house one night and as I was leaving he said, "Okay you're my girlfriend now." FML
Today, I got fired over MSN. I wasn't even online at the time. FML
Today, I chipped a tooth trying to solve a Rubik's Cube. FML
Today, I found out my parents have a list of everything I have ever Googled. FML
Today, I was the 10th caller on a radio show. I answered the question correctly. The DJ informed I won a free air guitar of my choosing. I yelled with excitement over the air. The DJ then instructed me how to use my new air guitar. FML
Today, while I was using my computer, my cat ran up to the power strip, looked me in the eyes, and hit the power switch, turning everything off. She does this quite often. FML
Today, I contemplated the ratio of cats I have to friends I have. I need more friends. FML
Today, I realized that I spend the same amount of money on my phone bill as I do on Nutella. FML
Today, my cat played dead just so I would leave him alone. FML
Today, my daughter wore my favorite Christmas sweater to an ugly sweater party. FML
Today, in the midst of his ongoing mid-life crisis, my dad forced me to accompany him for some father-son bonding. The bonding involved me driving us away at high speed after he gleefully hurled a bucket of paint all over a store window. FML
Today, I went on a date. He stole my credit card. FML
Today, in the middle of the night, I got up to go get some water. When I came back, I was going to flop onto my bed, but I faceplanted into my floor. I'd forgotten that I'd rearranged my room and moved my bed. FML
Today, my boyfriend is seriously mad at me for telling his cat what he got it for Christmas. FML
Today, I went out for dinner with my long-term crush, who turned out to be a huge dog person. He asked me which dog breed I like the most. In an attempt to reply with both Labrador and Doberman, I accidentally said Dumbledore. FML
Today, I came home to find my girlfriend crying. Concerned, I quickly asked her what was wrong. She told me tearfully that she couldn't understand why her pet lizards hadn’t grown into dinosaurs yet, and that pet store had cheated her. I’m still concerned now, but for entirely different reasons. FML
Today, I went on a date with a very cute girl. It went well, until I accidentally called the blueberries in her dessert Oran Berries. I sheepishly explained that they're a berry from the Pokémon universe, at which point she excused herself, never to return. FML
Today, my cat didn't quite manage to eat the whole turkey because it was frozen. He just licked it all over. FML
Today, I fell in love with a girl who used to love me. She doesn't anymore. FML
Today, I lost my third phone in a year, making it a grand total of 11 telephones lost or stolen in the past 3 years. FML
Today, I decided to clean my room, find a job, and ask a girl on a date. I ended up playing video games online instead. FML
Today, I got bored and decided to try World Of Warcraft. FML
Today, I told a girl that I liked her. She replied, "Don't." FML
Today, I drove into my school. Literally drove into my school. FML
Today, I bought a box of Fruit Loops. When I got home, I noticed a free prize would be in the box. I sifted through the box, looking for the small toy. It wasn't in there. I don't know what is more sad, the fact that I got ripped off by a children's cereal or that I'm 21 and upset by it. FML
Today, my 9 year old nephew found his way onto my iTunes. I now have 401 songs titled "aidfj3P" by "ffjiel". FML
Today, I got further with a guy than I've ever before. By that, I mean I got his phone number. FML
Today, while teaching swim lessons, a boy was holding a noodle and claimed it was his fishing rod. Trying to be fun, I grabbed on and told him to "reel" me in. He then yells out 'YAY, I caught a whale!'. FML
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