Monsieur Célibataire
Today, I finally got up the nerve to ask this really cute girl out I've had a crush on for over eight months. Turns out she isn't a girl. FML
Today, I was walking with my boyfriend in the hallway of our school, and once we got to his class, I leaned in for a kiss. Surprising me, he leaned away, and I asked what was wrong. He told me he's glad we're going out, but just doesn't want anyone to know. FML
Today, life gave me lemons, delivering them straight to my nuts via my neighbor's tennis ball shooter. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. She pulled down my trousers, saw my Poke-ball boxers, and absolutely lost it. I had to lie next to her in bed for the next 10 minutes hearing her howl with laughter while crying "Dickachu, I choose you!" FML
Today, while waiting in the queue at a supermarket checkout, my three-year-old daughter yells out, "Mom! Mom! Is that a man or a lady in front?" Embarrassed, I reply, "Honey, can't you see that it's a... it's a... a..." FML
Today, I asked my mom why she had two tooth brushes: one manual and one electric. She said: "I only use the manual one for brushing my teeth." FML
Today, while I was fooling around with my girlfriend, she hurt her hand. It obviously wasn't very serious, so I told her to stop faking it. She responded, "Wanna know what I actually fake? My orgasms." FML
Today, it was report card day at swimming lessons. Because it was the last day, a little girl brought me flowers. She was the only kid in that class who didn't pass. FML
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