Seattle
Today, I accidently accepted a lunch invitation from an old friend, because I forgot what they're like. Here comes another hour and a half monologue about how great they are. FML
Today, I got pulled into a conversation about my 62 year-old boss's new breast implants. FML
Today, I had to give a video presentation. My video was on animal abuse, but I somehow played a video of myself singing Britney Spears in my room. FML
Today, like every time I visit the in-laws, my father-in-law is driving me crazy. He gets all holier than thou sometimes, and even my mother-in-law agrees he just talks to hear himself speak. It gets so bad that I resort to cleaning their house to ignore him. At least then he leaves me alone. Starting their dishes in 5. FML
Today, I was cooking in my Airbnb and grabbed a pan, only to find it had some kind of beetle and droppings all over it. I realized soon after that the whole place was infested, but the person in charge of maintenance won’t answer my messages. FML
Today, I was on my way home and there were BLM protestors, who I have no problem with, but my car was parked where they were and I had to sit there for three hours until they left so I could drive off. FML
Today, I came home from work to see a pair of panties I hadn't worn lying on the floor. I picked them up and they were all crunchy. It turns out that while I'm away, my boyfriend uses my underwear as a vessel for his semen. He claims this is normal. FML
Today, I got the biggest shock in my life when I found out that I was a mistake, and the only reason why I wasn't put up for adoption is because of the tax refunds. FML
Today, my boyfriend let it slip that he thinks of my best friend when he masturbates because he like to have the "freedom and variety." FML
Today, I was working as a pizza delivery driver, the manager misplaced the money I needed to give him at the end of the night. Now I have to play them $98 I don't have. FML
Today, we woke up to two inches of water in our finished basement, which my wife and I use it as our bedroom. The plumber found roots in our sewer line. The kicker: we just bought the house four days ago. FML
Today, I was on my motorbike 200km from home, in the middle of nowhere, when I needed to poop, so I found a wooded area and did my thing. As I was climbing back up, I knocked my helmet from its perch and watched it roll right into what I’d just left. FML
Today, my doctor told me that my lungs are as bad as a 60-year-old heavy smoker's. I'm 19 and I've never touched a cigarette in my life. FML
Today, I took my new boyfriend to my step-sister's wedding. He knew more people there than I did, including 3 bridesmaids he used to sleep with. FML
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