Monsieur Boulder 26 ans Célibataire
Today, I called off work saying my Great Grandmother died. A co-worker texted me later asking where and when the funeral was. I made up a lie and said some random funeral home and date. My co-workers sent flowers to the funeral home for condolences. The flowers were returned. FML
Today, I was walking with my boyfriend in the hallway of our school, and once we got to his class, I leaned in for a kiss. Surprising me, he leaned away, and I asked what was wrong. He told me he's glad we're going out, but just doesn't want anyone to know. FML
Today, I went to donate blood for the first time. When they stuck the needle in my arm, I had a panic attack and begged that they take it out. The woman helping me told me she'd take it out in a moment and left. It was then that the Red Cross stole a pint of my blood while I had a panic attack. FML
Today, I got threatened with a gun at the drive-thru, all because my coworker forgot to include extra fries in the guy's order. FML
Today, I was kissing my crush for the first time and her tooth fell out into my mouth. FML
Today, my mom continued her search for a special, super-healthy laundry detergent that she knows makes me break out in hives. FML
Today, my sister pointed out a weird black mass underneath the lace of my dress. Perplexed, I looked down to inspect further and discover a wasp, under my boobs, attempting to build a nest. FML
Today, my kids overheard me talking about cleaning the fuel system in our RV before we go to Disney World. They were so eager to get there, they decided they'd clean the fuel system themselves while I was at work, namely by pouring Tide into the gas tank. FML
Today, I've been so stressed out that I forgot my own birthday. I only remembered when my mom talked to me to let me know she wasn't planning on doing anything for it. FML
Today, I found out all the "work meetings" my husband has been going to wasn't him having an affair after all, but him attending a neo-Nazi group. FML
Today, I had to ask my sister if she'd shit her pants because the smell of poop was following us around Paris. I don't know what's worse, the fact that I had to ask an eighteen-year-old, or that she said yes and didn't do anything. FML
Today, I discovered that in the three days I left my 18-year-old son in charge, my dog had gotten pregnant. When I confronted my son about it, he stated, "I don't want the reputation of being a cock-blocker." FML
Today, my boyfriend sent me a picture of a bra he claimed I left at his house. I know every single bra I own, and it wasn't one of them, or so I thought. Only after I broke up with him did I remember I lost that bra two months ago. FML
Today, I managed to spill Superglue on the one place you absolutely shouldn't spill Superglue. FML
Today, I found nudes on my boyfriend's phone. We've been together 14 years. They weren't of me. FML
Today, my mom told me she wouldn't be able to leave my middle-aged brother at home for Christmas in order to meet her first grandchild. FML
Today, my girlfriend tried to hook me up with a guy. It's the second time it happened since I met her. FML
Today, I discovered my own mother has been stealing money from me for months when I opened my savings box to find it empty. FML
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