25 ans
Today, my new girlfriend was telling me how she's attracted to "All-American" looking guys. Tall, manly body, handsome face. Then she says, "But it's ok, you're cute too." FML
Today, my boss called me into his office to show me the web site of a potential business partner. When he began to type 'virginia' into google, it auto-completed his search with his recent search for 'virgin boy assholes'. I have to go on business trip with him tomorrow. I'm a young guy. FML
Today, I went to the bank to find out why they've taken $200 from me. By the time I show them my bank card, ID and tell them my problem, they accuse me of stealing my own identity, and refuse to give me my money back. FML
They see you when you're sleeping, they know when you're awake, and no, I'm not talking about Santa. Just plain ol' creeps. Check out these stalker-themed FMLs!
This mom enters full rage mode when the 35-year-old man she texts instead of her teen daughter admits to trolling her, only for her to ignore him. This thread is FML-worthy but the real FML goes out to the poor girl who has to deal with this mom on the daily.
Today, my boyfriend started tickling me relentlessly. I am extremely ticklish and accidentally kicked him in the shin whilst squirming. He’s now trying to get me arrested for assault. FML
Today, right before sex, with his dick out and the condom in one hand, the guy I was with answered a phone call from his mum. FML
Today, I was denied an animal adoption because I said "babies" instead of "kittens". Apparently that means I'm not serious about pet ownership. What?! FML
Today, my nana turned up at my flat for a visit, barged in without knocking, and found me having sex with both of my girlfriends. The vicious religious lecture that followed would have stripped the tramp stamp off a whore. She then rampaged through our bedroom and binned all our sex toys. FML
Today, I decided to call the number a cute guy had scribbled onto a napkin and given to me. I was greeted by, "Hello, this is Dr. Allen's office." Surprised, because I didn't remember his name being anything close to Allen, I asked who Dr. Allen was. She's a psychologist. FML
Today, I went to the pet store to get mice for my mom's snakes. While checking out, the guy working behind the register asked what kind of snakes I had. I told him they were my mom's and he mentioned this crazy woman that talks to her snakes. That's my mom. FML
Today, my mom told me she is serving lasagna and Italian cream cake at my bridal shower. I'm severely lactose intolerant, which I have been telling her for years. She responded by telling me, and I quote, "The food is for the guests." FML
Today, I was working in bed when my boyfriend stumbled in, drunk as hell. He got on top of me saying he wanted sex. After a moment, he paused and said, “Sorry, I thought you were Stephen.” I’m a girl. Stephen is my father. FML
Today, it's been a year since my wife and I moved to our new house, and 3 months since she ordered a new king-sized bed. I still don't know what the bed feels like, but I have an awesome relationship with the couch. FML
Today, a DNA test proved that my 2-month-old daughter isn't mine. The real father is my girlfriend's husband, whom she married last year when she lied to me about going on a vacation. We've been together for three years and I never knew. FML
Today I caught my husband cheating on me in our bed with my 19-year-old brother. FML
Today, I got a new employee. She was putting photos on her desk and I noticed a familiar face. When I asked who he was to her, she said, “My husband.” I had been dating this guy for the past three months. FML
Today, I found out my new husband is actually an illegal immigrant using me for citizenship, and is now forcing me to house his parents, 5 siblings, and 3 grandparents who are now able to pass through immigration. FML
Today, a man came up to me asking for my name. Thinking he was trying to hit on me, I rudely gave him a fake name. He thanked me and walked away. I continued to watch him leaving until I saw him ask another woman for her name and took out a wallet and showed it to her. It was my lost wallet. FML
Today, I got in trouble for missing my shift. According to my idiot boss, "Crashes don't just happen." FML
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