Today, my friend was extremely constipated when he used my toilet. I'm now having to go buy a new toothbrush, because he used mine to dig out his shit. FML
Today, my house caught fire and almost burned down. My neighbour, who has always hated me, came up, patted me on the back, and said, "That sucks for you." FML
Today, I was getting ready for a date, so to avoid stinky pits, I went to put some deodorant on. However, when I raised my arm to apply it, I almost sliced my hand off when I raised it right into the ceiling fan. FML
Today, I was driving home at night, and got into an accident. Someone had left a toilet in the middle of the road. I hit it. The toilet's fine, but my car now has a toilet-shaped dent in the front. FML
Today, my sister got her car repossessed. In order to get it back, my mom took $4,000.00 out of my bank account promising she would pay it back within a few months. She lost her job. FML
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