roxiesmylover_

Today, my neighbor was having work done in his apartment, and he'd warned me that there might be some noise. Yes, there was, what with all the town's firemen in the building after he'd ruptured the main gas pipe. FML

Today, I attempted to break the record for the heaviest squat in my local gym. A small crowd witnessed me breaking the record as well as releasing a huge fart. FML

Today, in a train, I did the old "I've got your nose" trick for a kid. He got off at the next stop, then waved something at me from the platform, then yelled, "I've got your keys!" FML