Today, I was at work and I had to take a dump. Since I was the only person in the bathroom, I started singing, "I'm taking a poopy-poop poop poop poop." I was not the only person in the bathroom. FML
Today, my little brother proudly informed me that he found a way to suck pool water up his asshole. FML
Today, I discovered the crunching noise your foot will make if you accidentally drop a cement block on it. FML
Today, I found a pound of cooked bacon in the dryer. When I asked my roommate about it, he confessed; his excuse was that he wanted to dry up the grease before eating it. FML
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