YourGrammarSucks

What is it?

Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, I had my first orgasm. He thought something was wrong, so he stopped. FML

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house while his plumbing was being redone. I really had to pee, but the toilet wasn't working, so I peed in his cat's litterbox. His cat got defensive, and started attacking me while I peed. My boyfriend walked in and saw the whole thing. FML

The key

Today, I ran into my parents' bedroom after I heard my name and what sounded like painful screams. When I opened the door, my parents were on top of each other, laughing hysterically. They needed me to find the key to the handcuffs. FML

Today, I was at a bar and very drunk. I went to the urinal and when I was done, I went to zip up, then realized I'd never unzipped. FML

Today, while taking a shower, I saw shadows moving across the curtains. The shadow turned out to be a cricket that then fell into the tub. I ran out of the bathroom screaming and naked. My little sister came to my door and said, "If I hadn't just seen your balls, I would swear mom had TWO daughters." FML

Today, I learned that removing your boyfriends boxers with your teeth is waaaay less sexy when you accidentally bite a chunk of his pubes and yank them out in the process. FML

Today, nearing the end of my pregnancy, I went to a local pool. While attempting to swim on my stomach, I turned a little to the left, and buoyancy took over and I ended up belly-up and flailing, causing a very large man to then laugh so hard, he choked. FML

Today, I asked a short girl to prom by making a "You must be this tall to say no" sign. She grabbed a chair, stood on it, and then said no. FML

WTF dude?

Today, I heard water dripping at the back of our house. I went to investigate, only to find a man peeing on our garden gnome. FML

Today, a weird guy approached me and started asking me many questions. I didn't know how to get out of this situation, so I suddenly ran away shouting, "Stranger danger! " I'm 21. FML