MikuandKaito

Today I found out that my landlord is switching to a property management company, and it will take 2 weeks for my rent to get deposited to them when I send it, when I could just go across town and pay it in cash before. My rent is due in a week. FML

Today, in my job as an underwear photographer, I had to see the face of dissapointment and pain of a male model when I asked him to put an "enhancer" on his genital area for the shoot. This FML is for him. FML

Today, I was driving my 7-year-old daughter to school, when out of nowhere a bird smashed into the windshield. Instead of screaming or being traumatized by the gore like me, my daughter started laughing, eventually calling the bird a "stupid bastard". FML

Today, I had to take my dog to the vet for him to be put to sleep. I could feel the cold, hard shaft of irony slide its way up my ass and slowly fuck me senseless with every step I took on this beautiful National Dog Day. FML

Today, I almost died in the shower. I slipped and my dumb ass tried to grab the water. FML

Today, after smoking, I sat down to watch Supernatural with my young cousin. I accidentally let out a burp during a demonic possession scene and, to our surprise, smoke came out of my mouth. Now there's a crying 11-year-old hiding somewhere in the house with salt. Mom will be home in 5 minutes. FML

Today, I dressed up as Batman for a comic book convention. I was hit by a car on the way there by a man dressed up as the Joker for the same convention. FML

Today, my brother was doing an extremely annoying Shrek impression, so I turned the TV on in a desperate attempt to drown him out. You'll never guess what movie was on. FML

Today, I was practicing the piano. My brother told me that if I loved him, I would stop. FML

Today, I did a California stop during a drive with my Driver's Ed teacher. He made me get out, hug the stop sign and apologize to it. FML