lovestory_fml

Today, I went for a run and took my shirt off part way through. The next person I saw was a nine year old girl playing outside her house. She looked at me and said, "Ewwwwww! Gross!" FML

Today, I went to get my blood drawn for the first time. After I explained to the nurse how nervous I was, she replied, "Oh honey, don't worry! This is my first time too!" FML

Today, I realized that the beef jerky someone had left on the counter and that I'd been sneaking a few pieces of every morning had a cartoon dog holding two strips of beef jerky. I wondered why nobody else was eating it. It was beef jerky for dogs. FML

Today, I got my fake ID and went out with the boys to dinner and the bars. One of my friends asked to see my ID. He noticed my birthday didn't make me over 21. I paid $170 for a fake ID with my real birthday. FML

Today, I went to the doctor with my parents. When the doctor asked if I was sexually active, I said 'Yes.' My mom laughed and said 'Good one.' My dad, for added effect said, 'Your hand doesn't count.' FML

Low blow

Today, the girl I love told me she was sick of guys. I replied that I happened to be a guy. She laughed and said, "No, I mean the boyfriend type!" FML

Today, I was talking to my crush about making the soccer team. Excited, he congratulated me and asked for my number. I gave him my cellphone number. He laughed and said "your jersey number". FML

Pleased to meet you

Today, my parents met my boyfriend's parents for the first time… while they were bailing us out of jail. FML

Today, before a big formal banquet, I went tanning because I wanted to look good in my cocktail dress. I got out of the tanning bed only to realize that I had left my socks on. FML